wildfires in southland

it has nothing to do with fire..but anger. it's falling ashes in my backyard after days of the wildfires. well i am not angry with the falling ashes, nor I am ticked off by the smog in the air. We all know that LA smog will kill us but we still choose to live here, eh? Who is the idiot?
Why do I choose to stay here in the first place?
My parents told me that it's probably gonna snow early this year, oh man, I envy them. I love snow. I love walking in a snowy day or night; wearing a nice warm coat walking down the streets in a cold winter, that just makes me feel alive! anyway i am not gonna see any snow this year I guess....cuz I am stuck right here breathing in all the toxic ashes and smog. I mourn for myself.

You really want me here? Say something then! Am I ready to be part of this movement? Shouldn't I go ahead and live my life? What's Your freaking will for me? I am stuck cuz of You! I pity no one but myself.

My heart was crying..i don't know where to go till You met me again in the shower. And You said, "賜華冠與錫安悲哀的人、代替灰塵、喜樂油、代替悲哀、讚美衣、代替憂傷之靈．使他們稱為公義樹、是耶和華所栽的、叫他得榮耀。" (Isaiah 61:3)
"and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." (Isaiah 61:3)

and I..understand now.